


When you're gone, I'll go mad

by rxnanj



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-25 20:30:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6209011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxnanj/pseuds/rxnanj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Groff is leaving, again. this is what lin and groff do to deal with the distance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to a conversation with my friend Nat, this idea was born.  
> she wanted me to write it for her, so i did!1!! i hope you like it (:

“I can’t believe you’re leaving again.”

 

                Jonathan laughed, trying to keep the mood light. “Lin, its only for a few weeks. You survived well enough on your own when I left last time.”

 

                “Barely.” Lin huffed. He slumped down in his chair and had a look of what Jon could only describe as childish ambivalence. “Y’know I thought about calling off the show and just flying out to see you at least four times while you were gone last time.”

 

                “Lin, please, can you be reasonable?” Jonathan grabbed Lin’s hand in his own. “I have a job, and that job is acting. I’m just trying to do my job.”

 

                “Yeah, but why does your job have to take you so far away from me?” Lin looked down at their hands, not wanting to make eye contact with the other man.

 

                “Have I ever told you how cute you are when you pout? Because you are very adorable.” Lin was blushing now, and trying to hide his face but Jon pulled him into a kiss.

 

∞

                Day 1

                Lin looked out of the window of his dressing room. Jonathan had only been gone for 16 hours and it felt like a lifetime. He rode to the airport with Groff the day before, and after a very tearful goodbye, went home and drowned himself in a bottle of Jack Daniels. Lin wasn’t one to normally drink, but the burn in his throat was better than the pain in his chest.

               

“Six weeks,” He said to himself. “Just six more weeks.”

 

∞

                Day 6

 

                Lin: the dressing room is lonely without you here, groffsauce. Come back soon!

                Jonathan: I know, believe me! It’s lonely here too. I’ll be back as soon as I can.

                Lin: twitter is asking for more We’re In The Play videos. Im letting down the fans, babe.

                Jonathan: they know I’m in cali. Don’t let them get to you! Just stay off of the internet, okay?

                Lin: I know. I am.

 

∞

                Day 13

               

                Lin and Jonathan had tried setting up some sort of call schedule that way they could at least get some time on the phone together every once and a while, but it was difficult. Jon’s filming schedule was different every day, and by the time he got done, it was too late to talk on the phone.

 

                Jon resorted to leaving cute voicemails instead. If he couldn’t talk to him, he’d at least let Lin know he was thinking about him.

               

                “Hey, you’ve reached Lin Miranda. Sorry I couldn’t come to the phone right now but I’m probably hella busy. Leave a message and I’ll try to call you back!” *BEEP*

 

                “Hey Lin it’s your Groffsauce. Right now, it’s about 11:25 here so I know you’re probably sleeping, but I just wanted to let you know that I miss you very, very much. I can’t wait to see you again, babe. I hope you have a great day tomorrow, and I will try calling you again in the morning.”

 

                Lin checked his phone as soon as he woke up the next morning, and giggled like a little kid while he was listening to the voicemail. (He then proceeded to listen to it 4 more times, but he’ll never admit that to anyone.)

 

                It was only 7:30 in New York, and Lin wanted desperately to call Jon and tell him how cute he thought the voicemail was and that he misses him too, so bad. But it was 4:30 in California right now and there was no way that Lin was going to call Jon this early and wake him up.

               

                Lin settled for watching cute videos of Groff on YouTube (as well as a few of his own that he had filmed in the weeks leading up to Jon’s leaving.) An hour and a half later, Lin got out of bed and got ready for the day. The videos hadn’t cured him; he still missed Jon, and it made him feel sick thinking about it.

 

∞

                Day 15

               

                “Hey babe!” Jonathan smiled at Lin, who was over two thousand miles away, through the phone. They had finally settled on a time that would work for both of them, and decided to have a FaceTime date.

               

                “Hey, handsome. How are you?” Lin’s smile was so big and bright and Jon wanted to stare at it forever.

               

                “Much better, now. I’ve missed your voice. It’s so nice to finally hear you.”

 

                “Yeah, same here.” Lin sighed. This was good for him. He had been driving himself insane with stress.

 

                “Lin, are you alright? Babe, what’s wrong?” Jon’s worried look startled him.

 

                “What? What do you mean? I’m fine. I’m perfect.”

 

                “Sweetheart, you’re crying.” Jon’s voice was soft and Lin was mad at himself. Jonathan was just beaming with delight and Lin had to ruin it by crying. Jesus.

               

                “Damn. No I’m not,” Lin said, wiping his eyes. “No, I’m not. I’m fine. You’re so amazing. I just missed you so much.”

 

                “Don’t worry. I’ll be back in no time. You won’t even know I’m gone.” Jon smiled softly, trying to make him feel better, but Lin only seemed to break when he said that.

 

                “But I already know you’re gone,” Lin was sobbing now. “And its killing me.”

 

                “Lin, sweetheart, please.” Jon was getting choked up now, as well. “I know it’s killing you, babe. I know it is. We just have to push through this, okay? I mean it, I’ll be back so soon, and you’ll get so sick of me you’ll wish you could send me back.”

 

                “I could never get sick of you,” Lin said, smiling a bit.

 

                “Yes you can, and you will, trust me.” Jon wiped the tears from his own eyes, hoping lin wouldn’t notice. Lin laughed and just shook his head.

 

                Lin looked at the clock in the dressing room, realizing that he needed to get in costume. Sighing he looked back at his phone.

 

                “Well, showtime is in 30 minutes, and I better go get ready.”

 

                “Oh, of course! I forgot what time it was. Have a great show, babe. Break a leg.”

 

                “Yeah, I will. Thanks. I’ll talk to you later!” Lin smiled, despite the fact that he had no idea when he’d talk to Jon again.

 

                “Bye.”

 

                “I lo-“ Lin almost got the words out, but Jon had already hung up. It was probably for the better anyways. He wasn’t really ready to say that yet. He threw his phone down on the couch and walked to the other side of the dressing room to grab his costume.

               

                “I am such a mess.”

 

∞

                Day 19

 

                Lin was trying to write one Wednesday afternoon when there was a knock at the door startled him from his thoughts. 

 

               Anthony peeked his head into the dressing room, "Hey Lin! There’s a delivery for you downstairs. The guy said it’s kind of urgent.”

 

               “I wasn’t expecting a package, what is it?” Lin was confused, but Anthony just smiled.

 

                “You’ll have to go down there and check it out for yourself. They wouldn’t let me or anyone else bring it up to you. He said the sender needed it to go directly to you.”

 

                Lin made his way downstairs to see what exactly this urgent package was, but he was greeted with flowers instead. Lots of them.

 

                “Are you Lin Miranda?”

 

                “Yessir. That’s me. Who sent these? They’re beautiful.”

 

                “Well it says it all in the letter attached. I just need you to sign here.”

 

                Lin took all of the flowers (3 dozen) and the letter back upstairs to his dressing room and sat down to read it.

 

                _Lin,_

_I know you’re a busy man and that you’ve got a lot on your plate right now. I understand completely. I thought I’d send these flowers to you so you could distract yourself with taking care of them. Have a great day, babe._

_Yours,_

_Jonathan Groff_

_p.s. if these flowers are still alive by the time I get back, I’ll give you a special treat ;) xoxo_

Lin whipped out his phone faster than lightning and opened the messenger app.

 

                Lin: They’ll be alive. Believe me. Even if I have to hire someone to take care of them for me.

 

                Jon didn’t text him back that night, but Lin knew he got the message.

 

∞

                Day 24

 

                Lin began sending Jonathan the pictures every day. He did it as often as he could, quite a few times every hour. Lin knew Jonathan hardly ever checked his phone, so he didn’t mind when there wasn’t a reply.

               

                At first, he just sent him pictures of the stage, and of course the pit. But then he started sending selfies of him and the other cast members. Then he started sending him selfies of him by himself.

               

                One day, by complete mistake, Lin sent him a shirtless picture and almost immediately, his phone began to ring.

 

                “Hey there stranger. I haven’t heard from you in a while.” Lin was trying not to laugh.

               

                “Fucking Christ, lin. Are you trying to get me killed? What the hell?” Jon sounded angry, and Lin couldn’t tell if it was mock anger or not.

 

                “What do you mean? I-I didn’t do anything. I swear.” Lin was worried that he had made some terrible mistake.

 

                “Lin, that picture.” Groff sounded like he was choking and now Lin had a weird feeling about the whole situation.

               

                “Jon. I just wanted to send you a nice picture. I’ve been sending tons of them.”

 

                “Yes but Lin, when was the last time you saw me?”

 

                “What does this have to d-“

 

                “Lin answer the question.”

 

                “Three weeks. More than that. 26 days.”

 

                “Yes. Now take a good look at that picture again. Look at your shoulder, Lin.”

 

                “Jesus. Fine give me a second.”

 

                Jonathan waited patiently for Lin while he looked for the picture.

               

                “Oh _fuck._ ”

               

∞

                Day 28

 

                Jonathan wrote Lin letters. Just cute handwritten little musings. He just wanted to make Lin smile. It was still rough on Lin with the whole long distance thing, and Jon knew how much it was tearing him up inside.

               

                He sent three letters, each one a little bit longer than the last, and each time Lin received one, he’d text him a simple heart emoji.

 

∞

                Day 33

               

                Lin: Only 9 more days!!

                Jonathan: I know, it’s exciting, isn’t it?

                Lin: I cant wait, groffsauce. I’m shaking in my boots.

                Jonathan: kinky.

                Lin: What???

                Lin: OH

                Lin: You mean like kinky boots. Don’t you?

                Jonathan: oh boy. You’re lucky you’re pretty. I sure as hell didn’t fall in love with your brains.

                Jonathan: Wait.

                Jonathan: No, I don’t think that’s what I meant.

                Jonathan: I mean, I think you’re awesome.

                Lin: groffsauce, I love you too, babe ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yall aint gonna fuckin like me after this chapter, lemme tell ya. 
> 
> it took me 9 months to update and as if that wasn't bad enough, i flipped the fuckin story and made this shit sad af.  
> good luck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, this isn't at all how i planned it. but not everything goes as planned.

Day 39

Jon concocted a plan, a devious plan, and he was waiting for the perfect moment to execute it. The plan was, since he got home a week early, to surprise Lin at the theater. There were a handful of problems though. The first being the fact that there was no way to get anywhere near Lin without other people knowing. There were so many things that could go wrong and he didn't want anything crazy happening before the show that might throw Lin off. And he didn't want to keep Lin from any special guests that might be going backstage after the show.

So yeah, there probably wasn't any sense in going to the theater and ruining anything when he could just as easily wait for Lin back at the apartment. Which was exactly what he did.

 

His plane landed at LaGuardia at 6:00 PM and he knew he had a long night waiting by himself before Lin would be back from the theater. He got there a little after 7:00 thanks to lovely New York traffic.

Jon stepped through the door and noticed first the clutter in the living room. As soon as he walked in, he could tell Lin had been a busy man while he was away. Of course, Lin worked best when he was surrounded by disorganization as most writers do. He walked through the familiar apartment, taking in every aspect that he missed while he was across the country working.

Lin’s note pads left about on his desk, the endless coffee mugs stacked up on the counter top because Lin never stopped drinking coffee, and most importantly the sticky notes. Lin had a habit of writing little notes, reminders, on sticky notes and tacking them up in random places around the small apartment. There was one in particular, tacked up beside the television that looked like it had been scribbled on numerous times. Jon stepped closer to read what it said.

one more week til groffsauce

It was unmistakable even in Lin's chicken-scratch handwriting. He had gone over the words three or four times in pen. Jon thought absently to himself that there was a great possibility that Lin was drunk when he wrote it. He smiled sadly. 

At least tonight, he could see Lin, hold him close and tell him he loves him in person, for the first time in weeks.

 

As the night went on, Jon thought about taking a quick nap but he knew it would just mess with his sleep schedule even more. Lin would be home within another hour and he was practically vibrating with excitement.

Jon took his things and hid them. That way when Lin walked in, he wouldn’t immediately see Jon's shoes. He hid it all in the hall closet. He figured the best way to truly surprise Lin was to hide somewhere. After checking around the apartment for a good hiding spot, he figured the bedroom closet would have to do. It had the most room, and of course the best coverage. There was no way Lin would be able to spot him, and hiding in there would be most comfortable. He just hoped he wouldn’t give Lin a heart attack when he jumped out and surprised him.

 

Jon knew Lin usually got home around 1:00 so at 12:45, he got in the closet. He set up a few blankets on the ground to stay comfy and sure enough, twenty minutes later, he heard the door open. Not a minute later, he heard Lin’s voice.

But it wasn’t just Lin. Another man was in the apartment, yet Jon couldn’t hear well enough to tell who exactly that man was.

 

“Well obviously kissing all of these girls on stage is weird. Most of them are years younger than me.” Lin was talking to the person about kissing. 

“Hey man, I’m just the director. You’re the one that sets up these scenarios. It’s not really my fault that Hamilton got around.”

It was Tommy, of course. Tommy had been known to come over to Lin’s apartment all the time. Whether it was for work or just to hang out and have a few beers. Jon thought absently that Lin probably had many guests over in the past weeks to keep from being lonely while he was away.

“Well he didn’t get around as much as I do, that’s for sure.” Lin’s tone was light, and Jon figured he was joking. But the voices were getting closer to the bedroom and he could just make out Tommy’s soft voice.

“Damn right. And it’s a good thing, too.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, for one, it would be awfully awkward to direct numerous sex scenes. And two, I wouldn’t be here right now if you didn’t. Get around, that is.” The men had come into the bedroom. One of them sat down on the bed, but Jon wasn’t sure who it was.

“You’d be happy to direct any sex scene, as long as it involved me.”

Tommy laughed. “No not necessarily. Only if it involved seeing that pretty little ass of yours.” The noise of a slap shook Jon out of his daze. Surely this was just playful banter between the two. Lin and Tommy had been best friends for years. They were just oddly close, that’s all.

“I knew you only loved me for my ass.” Lin was pouting, of that Jon was sure.

“Well, you have a pretty nice dick, too.” Tommy's voice was a low rumble. Jon’s heart started pounding so hard that he could hear it in his ears. So loud. It was all so loud. He could faintly make out the sound of someone's belt being unbuckled. It was all a bad dream. Just one long, very vivid, nightmare.

Jon heard Lin hum softly and then he could hear them kissing which made him sick to his stomach. He closed his eyes tightly and counted to ten. He was breathing too heavily and starting to get dizzy. If he didn't get it under control he knew he would pass out soon.

There was no way Lin was cheating. Jon counted his breaths as he tried going through the events of the day. It was dark in the closet, maybe he fell asleep and he was dreaming this all up. Lin would never cheat on him, especially not with Tommy.  
   
But he was. Lin was really making out with Tommy, their fucking director only mere feet from him. Jon couldn't bare another minute of it. He stood up, let the blood get to all of his limbs and waited for the dizziness to subside. Then with one burst of courage, he pushed open the door to the closet.  
   
Simultaneously, the three men spoke. "What the fuck." Lin had Tommy's dick in his hand and was laying with him on the bed. The two of them were frozen in their spots while Jon looked on, soaking everything in. Lin was the first to speak.  
   
"Jon. I can explain." Before Lin could get another word in, Jon walked up to him and grabbed him by the shirt collar. He nearly threw him across the room, but didn't have quite enough energy to push him that far.  
   
"You better be able to, Lin. An explanation would be fucking fantastic right about now." Jon was furious, he was seeing red with how mad he was, and Lin cowered against the wall. Jon didn't wait for him to respond before going on. "I was gone for six weeks, Lin. Less than that. What the hell is going on?" He looked over at Tommy, who had tucked himself back into his pants, and was now buckling his belt.  
   
"Jon, I'm sorry. I was–" Lin stopped before he finished the sentence. Nothing he could say would fix anything. "I love you, Jon. Please understand that I didn't do this, this thing with Tommy, because I don't love you."  
   
"Then why? What other reason is there?"  
   
"Honestly, I don't really know why, or how for that matter." He looked over to Tommy, hoping the older man would supply an answer. He didn't say a word.  
   
"Well, let me know when you figure it out." Jon walked out of the room, ignoring Lin as he grabbed his things out of the hall closet. Lin was trailing right behind him, speaking, begging him to stay. But Jon couldn't hear anything. He had tunnel vision, and if asked to recall the events of the night, he would probably struggle greatly.  
   
Lin grabbed him by the shoulder and yanked him back, spinning around to face him.  
   
"Dammit Jon! I'm trying to apologize. Listen to me." Lin sounded desperate but Jon didn't have the heart to care. "It was all a mistake, alright. I know that. And I love you and I am sorry, and I know Tommy is too. Neither of us wanted to hurt you. I was stupid and I'm sorry, Jonathan. And even if you can't forgive me, I can't let you go home like this."  
   
Jon was crying, he looked down at the ground and dropped the suitcase that he had brought with him. Pushing past Lin, he made his way into the living room, hardly aware of what he was doing. He plopped down on the couch and put his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes as if trying to erase all that they had seen.  
   
Tommy came out to the living room, keeping his distance but slowly approaching Jon. "Hey, I figured I should apologize as well. It wasn't just Lin. I was the one who initiated it. Really, it wasn't his idea. He was lonely and-"  
   
"What? Lonely and vulnerable? Is that what you were going to say? That you just took advantage of the situation he was in? Well that's not good enough, Thomas." Jon was never one to let his anger get the best of him. He was always cool, and collected when he was mad. Lin and Tommy didn't know how to handle Jon like this. One wrong move, and they'd set him off like a bomb, as the two of them had just seen.  
   
Jon gave them both a look that clearly meant that he didn't want to hear another word out of either of them. Respecting that, they both walked back to the bedroom.  
   
"Lin, I think you've really messed up this time. I don't – he doesn't look like he's going to bounce back from this one."  
   
"What the hell do you mean this time, Kail? You know damn well this hasn't happened before."  
   
"Yeah, whatever. Lin, Jon needs you to comfort him now. Even if he's mad, he needs you to be there for him. You have to talk to him until he learns to listen." Tommy was explaining it as simply as he could, but it didn't seem like the best plan.

"And what? Me talking is supposed to just fix everything?"  
   
"No, not everything. But what we did was wrong. It will help if he knows that you know that."  
   
"Yeah, and what are you doing while I talk things over with him?"  
   
"I have to go. If he sees much more of me, he'll just get more upset. I'll leave you to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be another chapter after this, dont stress. (and i promise it wont take me another 9 months to update)
> 
> also, there will be an explanation for the shoulder thing from ch 1, dont you worry.
> 
> if u wanna request any other shit, like other pairings (preferably rpf) then please comment, im always open to prompts!!

**Author's Note:**

> the 2nd chapter will contain the last few days of groff being away as well as when they get reunited!!  
> also, i wont be making this work private, just to let you know, so please don't ask.


End file.
